Love is Patient
by secretindulgence24
Summary: SPOILER! Post 3x19, this Delena story begins on the drive back home. Is their connection strong enough to overcome his anger and her fear? If they can conquer their hurdles one step at a time, they can find love. It just takes a little patience... R%R!
1. Love is Patient

**First, I want to thank everyone for the response to my last story. If I haven't gotten back to you personally, its because I'm sneaking in FF here and there when I'm really supposed to be writing three major papers for school. But I can't seem to focus unless I write down these thoughts. **

**Now it's happened again. I loved the kiss scene in 3x19, but what I can't stop thinking about is what needs to happen next. So this is more about the aftermath of the kiss and Damon/Elena working out their problems. It's meant to be a multi-chapter work, provided I can get enough time in with school and all that. **

**I would love to hear your thoughts!**

XOXO

The silence in the car was deafening, permeating the atmosphere, pounding in his ears. He glanced over at Elena from time to time, taking in her sad, pensive expression but not know what he could do about it, what he should do about it… what he wanted to do about it. He had meant what he said to her. She needed to figure this out and he wasn't going to keep playing her game. He just couldn't.

But he couldn't stand the silence any longer either. Making a snap decision, he whipped the car off the highway, taking a random exit and heading toward a dimly lit gas station. He felt Elena's eyes on him, so he glanced over at her.

"Bathroom break." He said shortly. "And a snack. When's the last time you ate?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not that hungry."

He pulled into a parking spot in front of the grungy store and shoved the car into park. "Eat anyway."

XOXO

Elena sighed, looking at her reflection in the mirror as she washed her hands. She looked tired… but not as tired as she felt. She was drained, physically and emotionally.

She splashed water on her face and patted her skin dry. Drawing her long hair over her shoulders, she combed her fingers through it, her mind drifting back to the moment when Damon's hands had created those tangles. Her heart fluttered at the memory and she rolled her eyes.

"Really?" She muttered to her reflection, "That reaction to him and you're not sure you have feelings for him?"

He reflection didn't seem to have any clarifying thoughts, so Elena turned away, tying her hair back as she walked out of the bathroom. She nearly ran into Jeremy as he stood in the hallway, waiting for her to reappear.

"Still alive." She attempted a joke and a half-smile.

He didn't smile back. "Elena… I know you and Damon had a fight. If he said something that's made you this upset…"

She shook her head. "It's not Damon's fault, Jer. Honestly, you don't need to worry about it. Damon and I are... figuring some stuff out."

"Are you sure he's really what you want? I mean, this is Damon we're talking about…" Jeremy glanced over his shoulder and Elena followed his gaze to see Damon wandering aimlessly through the food isles. The distance between them didn't fool her. If he was listening, he could hear every word she and Jeremy said.

She laid her hand on her brother's arm, squeezing lightly. "I like having you back around." She smiled up at him. "I know you want to protect me, and I love you for it. But you don't have to worry about me, okay? There's no one, not even you, who wants me safe and happy more than Damon. I can promise you that."

Jeremy slung his arm around her shoulder. "You know, I think I believe you. Tell you what, when we get back in the car, I'll put my headphones in and go to sleep. That way you two can talk."

Elena gave her brother a side hug, smiling sadly. "I appreciate it, Jer, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to talk to me right now."

"He loves you." Jeremy gave her one last squeeze and moved toward the door. "Just… give it a shot. I'll be in the car."

Elena ran her hand over her hair and darted a glance at Damon. He had his back to her, still browsing through all the food he didn't need. She bit her lip, not sure if she should approach him. But… she was suddenly hungry after all, and the chips he was staring aimlessly at did look good.

She moved toward him, watching his face as she approached. Even when she reached across him to grab a bag of pretzels, he didn't look at her. Determined to make him at least acknowledge her, she cleared her throat. "I'm going to get a drink, too, I think. Want anything?"

"Yeah, grab me a bottle of O-negative." He glanced at her, his defensive smirk firmly in place. "Though, you know…its cheaper to get it fresh. Cashier looks juicy. Think she'd mind… sharing?"

Elena pressed her lips together, knowing he was trying to make her react, push her away further. She wasn't going to let him. "Never hurts to ask… maybe she likes to live on the edge."

She walked toward the drinks, feeling his eyes boring into her, trying to figure her out. She took a deep breath and wished him luck. She sure couldn't manage so maybe he could.

XOXO

Damon pulled out his wallet as Elena plunked her purchases down on the counter. He tried not to think about how cute it was that she'd spent minutes pouring over the gum selection, choosing just the right flavors, trying to remember which kind was Jeremy's favorite. More importantly, he tried not to imagine the hints of the berry melon flavor on her lips, her tongue.

She glanced over at him. "I'll pay, Damon. It's all my stuff anyway."

He ignored her, handing the cashier his card. The stringy-haired woman grinned at him, showing him her tobacco stained teeth. He managed a tight smile in return.

"No, here…" Elena held out a twenty dollar bill. "Use this instead." She pushed the money at the cashier, setting Damon's teeth on edge.

"Cut it out, Elena." Damon swept up the cash and shoved it back at the stubborn brunette. "Not everything has to be hard."

"I'm not making it hard," Elena insisted, "I just don't want you to have to pay for our stuff. How is that hard?"

"Sweetie, just let the man pay." The cashier leaned toward Elena conspiratorially. "He's cute and willing to dish out the dough. You need to keep a tight hold on this one. Don't let him get away."

Damon didn't give Elena a chance to respond." We're not together." He spoke shortly, drawing the cashier's attention. When her eyes were on his, he let his pupils dilate, pinning her gaze to his. "Swipe the credit card in your hand now. And no more talking."

The cashier blinked and complied, a stony silence hovering over the three of them. He could feel Elena's eyes on him as the cashier bagged their items and handed the bag to Elena. As soon as he had his card back in his hand, he turned and headed for the door, wanting the fresh air, and a little distance from Elena.

No sooner had he stepped back into the parking lot than Elena was right behind him, calling his name.

"Damon…" Her voice sounded so lost that it cut him to his heart and he couldn't help but stop to let her catch up.

She moved in front of him, looking up at him with big brown eyes. "I hate this." She dove right in. "I hate when we're like this. I'm sorry. You have to know that no matter how much I've messed this up, I never meant to hurt you…"

"What did you mean to do then?"

"I don't know. I just… wanted to figure this out. Figure us out. This trip seemed like a good way to do that, to spend time with you away from… everything else. Why is that so wrong?"

"Because you don't get it, Elena." He shook his head, beyond exasperated with her. "The fact that you would even ask me that just proves how much you don't get it."

"Don't get what?"

He rolled his eyes, pressing his hand to his forehead, running his fingers through his hair. "That it's time for you to stop testing me." He spoke louder than he meant to, but he couldn't stop himself now. "How long, Elena? How long before I'm good enough? Do you remember what I told you before? I have never wanted to live up to anyone's expectations. But you were the exception to that. You were different. I've tried so hard to be who you want me to be, and it's never good enough."

"Damon…" She moved toward him but he held her off.

"There shouldn't be anything else to figure out, Elena. You shouldn't need a road trip to put the pieces together. This is it… right here. I have spent the past months showing you every step of the way that I could be the kind of person who deserved you. If I'm not enough right now, I never will be. If you're still not sure, then I don't know what else I can do. How are you still testing me after everything we've been through together?"

He shook his head, moving around her, glancing back over his shoulder. "You don't get it. Or maybe you just don't want to get it."

"Damon, please…"

"Get in the car, Elena."

XOXO

Elena couldn't stop the course of the tears tracking paths down her cheeks as she leaned her forehead against the cool car window. Her tears were silent, but she knew Damon could sense them. He kept shifting, as though he was constantly moving to reach for her but stopping himself.

She didn't blame him. His words had cut her deep, demanding answers she didn't have. He was right. He had been her rock, her everything, her friend and comfort, and protector. Everything she asked of him he gave her, every mistake she made, he forgave her. Everything she needed, he provided for her.

And all he wanted in return was a glimmer of hope that she could love him too. Why couldn't she give him that?"

"Elena," His voice was strained, tight. "Stop crying."

"Leave me alone, Damon." She sighed and swiped at her tears. "Normally after we fight I get to storm home and cry. This time we're trapped in the car, and there's nothing I can do about that."

"Here." He shoved her drink at her. "Distract yourself. Crying isn't helping anything."

She took the drink from him and took a swig, mainly just to pacify him. "Great. All better. Diet coke solves everything."

"Yeah, well, I didn't have any vodka handy. My bad."

She looked over at him and he glanced her direction, his eyes carefully guarded. She sighed and leaned her head back against the seat. "Damon?"

"What?"

"You're not wrong."

"About what?"

She watched his face closely. "That you've more than proven what kind of man you are. You are a good man, and I do know that."

His hands tightened on the wheel and she saw him glance in the rearview mirror at Jeremy, making sure he was still plugged in and sleeping away. "Just not good enough, huh?"

"You know that's not true. It's not about how good you are, Damon. There are so many other things and I just don't know how to make it all make sense in my head. I don't know which option is the right one. I just don't and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I need time to figure it out, but I do."

Damon flexed his fingers on the steering wheel and stared out across the dark highway. "Yeah, I'm sorry, too."

XOXO

"You awake?" Damon's voice broke the silence that had reigned in the car for the last hour and brought Elena out of her reverie.

She shifted to face him. "Yes. Are you getting tired?"

He shook his head. "Thirsty. Help me out, will you?"

Her eyes widened and she frowned, glancing down at her wrist. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, but giving him her blood seemed so intimate given everything that had happened on this trip already.

He chuckled, low and deep. "The cooler, Elena. You know, the one in the back with the bottles of blood? Grab me one."

A deep flush stained her cheeks. "Oh. Yeah, sure."

She ignored the fact that he was still smirking at her as she unbuckled and shifted in her seat, searching her hand in the dark for the little cooler he'd packed. She had to reach over Jeremy's sprawled legs to reach it and found herself balanced precariously, one knee resting on the console between her and Damon, one elbow supported by the driver's seat shoulder rest.

Finally securing her prize, she eased back, slipping and bumping into his shoulder just enough to make him swerve.

"Geez, be careful." He grabbed her arm, helping her settle back in her seat without further incident. "Thanks." He opened the bottle she'd tossed him and took a long draught.

Elena watched him, trying to get up the courage to ask him about the thought that had been chasing itself around in her head for the last hour.

"Damon?"

He grunted in response, not taking his eyes off the road.

"Why did you get in bed with me?"

He spared her a glance. "What?"

"In the motel room. Why did you come over and lay down with me?"

He took a minute before he answered. "You looked like you wanted to talk."

"Talk?"

"Yep." He spoke curtly. "Couldn't talk over Jeremy, so I came over."

"Oh." She looked back out the window, sighing.

"Why were you watching me drink along in the dark?" He countered, taking her by surprise.

"Why?" She turned and looked at him. "I don't know… I guess… I don't know, you woke me up and I was just waiting for quiet again."

"Of course." Damon drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. "So you were willing me into silence with big doe-eye, come hither looks. Makes perfect sense."

She raised her eyebrows. "So you did come over because you thought I wanted… you know…"

"No, Elena." His voice sounded tired. "I came over because if given the choice between being near you and not being near you, I'm stupid enough to always want the first option. And because you looked like you wanted me near you, for once. It's as simple as that."

She bit her lip, nervous about pressing him further. "Then why did you hold my hand?"

He looked at her in disbelief. "Because I wanted to hold your hand. It's not rocket science. Your hand touched mine and I didn't hate it, so I held your hand." He stared at her for a minute, his instincts alone keeping the car in the right lane. "You don't get to re-write this, Elena."

"I'm not!" She protested, even though she knew that wasn't entirely true.

"You're trying to. You'd feel a lot more comfortable if you could believe that I got in your bed and tried to seduce you, right? That's something you can deal with. That's big, bad Damon at work. Well, I hate to break it to you, but I didn't lay down fully clothed on your bed and hold your hand in the hopes that you would lure me out of the room and jump me in the hallway. That's not the way it happened and you know it."

"I didn't say it was." Elena crossed her arms, tucking herself as close against the car door as she could, embarrassed and frustrated that he could read her so well. Better than she could read herself.

"Good." He shifted in his seat. "But if we're going to talk about this, how about I get to ask you a question or two. What were you thinking when you were watching me?"

"I don't know." Elena rested her forehead against the window. "I wasn't thinking about anything."

"Yes you were." He insisted. "I saw the look on your face. You were thinking about something I bet I'd be very interested in."

She sighed and resigned herself to honesty. She owed him that much. "I was wondering what it would be like to have you wandering around my room at night on a regular basis. Like you belonged there… like it was your room, too."

Silence hung between them for a long moment before he cleared his throat. "Hmm. And did you come to any conclusions about that?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I liked having you there. I guess… I guess I had gotten used to you invading my room all the time before we… before the ball. Maybe I missed that more than I realized."

She met his gaze, her heart fluttering just a bit when he gave her a small smile. "That's a pretty good answer."

"Is it?"

"Mmhmm." He looked back out at the road. "It's a start, anyway."

"Are you still angry?"

"Yes," He tilted his head, shifting in his seat, "But not as much. Are you still confused?"

"Yes," She spoke quietly, watching him intently. "But not as much."

He nodded. "Fair enough. We've got hours left on the road, Elena. Get some sleep. I'll wake you up if I need to."

She had to admit, she was tired. "Damon?"

"Hmm?"

"I do miss you, you know."

He sighed and looked over at her. "I miss you, too."

She smiled and reached out a tentative hand, laying it on his arm, feeling the comfort of his presence. She barely managed to murmur, "Goodnight," before her eyes drifted closed and she fell into a dreamless sleep.

XOXO

**So... do you want more? I appreciate any feedback I can get so please take a minute to review! It means a lot! Thanks guys!**


	2. Love Challenges

**You guys! Thank you SO much for the amazing response to this story so far. I am so excited that you liked it and are eager for more. I hope you enjoy this installment too! **

**Disclaimer: Still don't own anyone!**

XOXO

Stephan was waiting at her house when they pulled into the driveway at 5:30 in the morning. Jeremy was still asleep in the backseat, though Elena had no idea how he could get any actual rest with his music playing that loudly in his ears. She had been awake for about half an hour, sitting quietly in the dark with Damon, not talking, just being. Her hand was still on his arm because she needed… or maybe just wanted that connection with him. Now and then she'd run her thumb along the textured fabric of his shirt, tracing patterns, and he would look over at her. Still no talking, just piercing blue eyes on hers.

The sight of Stephan brought the tranquility of the last leg of the trip to a crashing halt as Damon eased his arm out from under her hand.

"You know its love when you stake out someone's house in the middle of the night." He muttered as he put the car in par.

She sighed, not knowing what she was supposed to say to that. She briefly considered pointing out that he often staked out her house and frequently stalked her if he thought she was in danger. But that didn't seem like the best choice, and he was already out of the car and pulling luggage out of the trunk anyway.

She reached back and shook Jeremy. "Hey, wake up." She told him as she tugged the headphones out of his ears. "We're home."

Jeremy grunted at her, but sat up and tiredly began gathering his things and easing out of the car. When Elena turned back around to let herself out of the car, she found her door already open and Stephan standing there, holding his hand out to help her down."

"Hi…" She took his hand and moved out into the night air. "How long have you been waiting here?"

"Not long." He ran his hand over the back of his neck with just a touch of awkward tension. "I figured you'd be home soon, though." His eyes darted to the gash at her eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." She spoke quickly, trying not to ask herself why she leaned subtly away from his concerned touch. "Damon got the worst of it. Kol really went after him." She couldn't explain her need to bring Damon's name into the conversation, but she saw that Stephan recognized it as more than just a casual mention of a friend. His expression immediately became more guarded.

"Here," Damon suddenly materialized at her side, her overnight bag and Jeremy's luggage in his hands. "Help a guy out, will you?" He dropped her overnight bag into her outstretched hand, his gaze briefly connecting with hers, letting her read nothing from him. "Steph," Damon nodded at his brother, "Glad to see you're still alive… ish. And suddenly such an early riser."

"Early bird gets the worm…" Stephan tilted an eyebrow, his stony gaze holding Damon's. Elena began to feel distinctly uncomfortable as the two brothers stared each other down.

Finally Damon turned to her, an easy smile on his face. "I believe my brother just called you a worm, Elena. Poor manners if you ask me… but no one did, I guess."

"It's a figure of speech, Damon." Stephan rolled his eyes. "I wasn't calling Elena anything."

"Of course not." Damon smirked and held out the two suitcases in his hand. "Well, since you're here, you might as well make yourself useful. Some of us have been driving all night and want to go home.

Elena bit her lip as Damon pushed the suitcases at Stephan and headed toward the car to close the trunk. Making a snap decision, she gave Stephan a pleading look. "Stephan, can you and Jeremy put those suitcases up in his room? I'll be right in."

Stephan's eyes flickered to Damon. "Sure." He took a step back from her and lingered before turning toward the house. Jeremy followed, looking over his shoulder at her. She gave him a reassuring smile before rounding the front of the car just in time to stop Damon from getting back into the drivers' seat.

"Wait…" She took his hand in hers, stopping him in his tracks. "You're angry with me again."

His eyes, his voice, his hand unresponsive in hers all cut her deeply. "No, I'm not." He sighed and eased his hand from hers. "We're home, now, Elena. I get it. Being away, alone together for hours, dark moonlit hotel rooms… things happen. But the reality is that at home… there's always Stephan. Waiting right at your doorstep."

"I didn't ask him to be here, Damon." She had to make him believe her. "I didn't know he was coming."

"I know." He tilted his head, his eyes scanning her face. "But he's inside waiting for you, Elena. Right where you want him to be."

She shook her head. "That's not fair, Damon. You're just shutting me out to keep me from shutting you out. But I'm not shutting you out. Come in. Stay. Sleep here tonight."

A faint smile touched his lips. "Yeah, that sounds like a great sleepover. You, me, and Stephan. That is way too kinky for Mystic Falls, Elena."

She ignored his attempt at deflecting with humor. It wasn't going to work tonight… not this time. "I'm going to tell him, Damon. You know that, right? I'm going to tell him everything."

That took him by surprise. "Everything?"

She nodded. "Yes. And not the version that would have been easier for me to deal with. I'm going to tell him the real version – that I wanted you, that I started it all."

He stared at her, blowing out a long breath as he took her in. "And when he asks you what that means?"

"I'll be honest. I'll tell him that I'm not sure and that I'm trying to figure it all out. I'll ask him for time, too. Just like I asked from you."

"Hmm…" He leaned his hip against the car, sliding one hand into his back pocket. "Well, you surprised me, Elena. Have to give you credit. That's a lot more than I was expecting."

She gave him a small smile, ignoring the slight jab because she knew it came out of insecurity. "I know it's hard to believe, but I'm honestly not trying to play some sort of game here. I'm not trying to toy with you or string you both along or… anything else that Katherine did to both of you. I want to be as fair to both of you as I can be, and I know it's hard, and I know I'm asking a lot. But you just have to trust me – I don't mean to do this. I just…"

Her voice broke and she looked down at the driveway before she continued. "I just don't know what's happening anymore, Damon. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew what I wanted and what I was committed to. I thought I knew what was right. And now I don't and I feel all of these things at once, and I'm sorry because it's hurting two people I care about more than anything and I…" She shook her head, "I'm sorry."

She swiped angrily at the tears forming in her eyes, but didn't resist when he reached out to pull her into his arms. She leaned against his solid chest and breathed him in, trying to slow down her heart beat.

He tightened his hold on her. "It doesn't have to be this hard, Elena."

"How do I make it easier?"

He eased her back so he could see her face, and she looked up into his familiar gaze. "Quit thinking so much about what's right. There is no right here. You don't have to be with Stephan just because you said you always would be. People in relationships promise each other a lot of things, and they still break up. That's how things work. Just because you promised Stephan you would love him no matter what doesn't mean that you're not allowed to fall out of love with him."

She blinked, trying to understand. "I don't know how to believe that. Part of me wants to, but…" She shook her head, dropping it back on his chest. "How can I?"

He sighed into her hair. "Did Stephan promise you he'd never hurt you?"

"Yes…"

"Did he keep that promise?"

"That's not…"

"Did he keep the promise, Elena? Yes or no?"

"No." She whispered the admission into his shirt.

"Did he promise he'd never leave you? That he'd always protect you?"

"Yes."

"Did he keep those promises?"

She shook her head. "No."

"No." Damon repeated, cupping the back of her head in his hand. "He didn't. He meant to… he meant every word he said to you and nothing changes that. But life happens, and promises get broken. Is he a bad person because everything got turned upside down and life hit a boulder in a stream and split off in a thousand different directions?"

"No." She looked up at him, her heart constricting in her chest. "He's not."

Damon ran the back of his fingers across her cheek, his eyes searching hers. "Right. And neither are you, Elena. No matter what happens between us… you have to stop beating yourself up for letting your feelings for Stephan change. He left you, he went on a nationwide killing spree, he attacked you, drank from you, insulted you… betrayed you. No one, not even Stephan, expects you to act like that doesn't change how you feel about him."

She couldn't deny the logic in his reasoning and she felt a little bit of the weight resting on her chest ease. "You're right." She told him, swiping at her eyes. "Things have changed."

"Of course I'm right." He gave her a small, sad smile. "There's no right choice here, Elena. You just have to figure out what you feel and act on it. The fact is, Stephan and I both love you. No matter what, someone is going to get hurt. You can't figure out a way to not hurt one of us. So quit thinking about that, figure out what you want, and take it. I mean it. Even if it's not me you want. Just… decide. Even if its not me you want. I want it to be me, but more than that I want it to be what you really want."

The utter selflessness of his words took her breath away and a deep shame settled over her. "Damon… that night at the ball. I never really apologized for that."

"For snapping my neck or telling me that the way I felt about you irritated you?"

"Both." She took his harsh words in stride, considering she probably deserved them. "I never meant you to think that you loving me was the problem. I was just trying to show you that you were letting how you felt affect you too much. Because no matter how much you love me, we're still in the middle of a bit of a vampire crisis and we have to deal with that."

"I'm aware of that, Elena. That doesn't mean I'm going to let you go off by yourself with the mother of all evil and have a conversation over doppelganger blood cocktails. I'm not going to apologize for that…"

"Fine." She held up her hand in a truce, not wanting to let a new fight interrupt her apology for their last big fight. "I agree that had I talked to you, we probably could have come up with a situation that would have worked for both of us. I shouldn't have cut you out of the loop. We were both wrong that night. But when I said what I said… I didn't mean that your love itself was a problem. You have to know that. I just meant that you were only seeing your own feelings and not the bigger picture. I'm sorry… it should never have come out like that and I should have made it right a long time ago."

He tilted his head, cocking an eyebrow. "Apology accepted. My turn now, right? I'm sorry I lashed out at you by sleeping with Rebekah."

Elena dropped her gaze. "Right… that."

"Hey," He lifted her chin. "I am sorry. But I have to ask you… how was I supposed to know you would care, Elena? Why do you even care? You're not sure what you want from me…"

"I know." She pulled away from his touch. "I don't know why it hurt so much, but it did." She looked up at him, knowing her vulnerability was showing all over her face. "I hate the thought of you with her…"

His gaze was intense on hers. "Why?"

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. "Because… the way you kiss is so different from everything else you do."

"What do you mean?"

"You're so…" She bit her lip, looking up shyly. "I don't know how to explain it. It's like you reach down in your soul or something and pull out all this feeling and ache and passion and… you just expose yourself and… it's like you consume the other person." She crossed her arms over her chest, hugging the heart she'd just spilled everywhere back in. "I hate the thought of other people experiencing that with you, I guess."

"Hmm…" He smiled the first genuine smile she'd seen on him in a while. "Elena, that's not how I kiss. That's how I kiss you. Only you."

The honesty of his answer hit her deep inside and she took a step back from the intensity of what that meant. "Damon…"

"I don't think you get it." Damon cut her off, shifting toward her. "I know you loved Stephan. You guys had something real or whatever. But I just don't think you get what real, all-consuming, passionate love is, Elena. I'm sorry, but I don't." His eyes blazed blue as he hovered over her. "When you really love someone, every interaction with them is more intense. Every fight, every kiss, every glance, every single word… everything. Its intense and its real and it consumes you. Nothing ends it except learning that it was never what you thought it was."

He sighed and took a step back. "So think about that when you're making your decision, Elena. Do you want something that's all-consuming and alive and growing? Or do you want something that's sweet and easy and steady…? Did kissing Stephan ever feel like he was consuming you, owning you, pouring himself into you?"

She looked at the ground. "You know I can't answer that."

"No!" He shouted at her, his hand slamming into the car, startling her. "Enough, Elena. You can't just keep putting off the answers to these questions forever. Just answer me. Be honest… it doesn't mean this is your choice. Just tell me. Did kissing Stephan ever feel like you just described the way I kiss you?"

"I don't…"

Damon grabbed her, pulling her to him, his hands carefully gentle but rough all the same. "I swear, Elena, if you tell me you don't know, I may lose it."

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and tried to hold them back. She wanted to answer him, but the answer terrified her, made her question everything she thought she knew about herself.

He pushed her against the car, boxing her in with his arms. "Look me in the eye, Elena. Tell me you feel the same things when you kiss him that I make you feel. Tell me that he brings out the passion in you that I felt in that motel hallway. Make me believe you."

"No…" She whispered, tears streaming down her cheek. "No, Damon. Okay? No, it's not the same. It's gentle and sweet and loving… but no. It's not the same."

He eased back immediately, the intensity in his face fading. "Good. That's one answer, Elena. Now you just have to figure out the others."

"How?"

"Try a little honesty…" He touched her cheek as he moved away from her. "But for now you'd better try it inside your house. Stephan is waiting…"

She shook her head. "Don't go. Come in with me."

He shook his head. "Nothing about that would work out well. For anyone."

"I don't want you to go…"

He looked at her for a long moment. "You know… normally that would make me stay. But I'm going to go. There's only so much patience in the world, Elena. If you miss me when I'm not around… maybe you should think about what that means."

Defeated, she nodded. "Okay… that's fair." She moved toward him and took his face in her hands, her eyes dropping to his lips. "I'm not going to kiss you again until I have answers because its not fair to you. But just so you know, I'm thinking about it…"

His eyes grew dark and he settled his hands on her hips, drawing her in. "Good." He murmured, his voice low and sensual. "Think about it long… and hard… and deep…"

She closed her eyes and stifled the sound that wanted to escape her lips. "Don't make this harder, Damon."

"You could make it so easy…" He breathed, nudging his nose against her cheek. "Remember that, Elena." He kissed her cheek. "Goodnight."

She reached after him when he moved away, but he was already getting in the car, his eyes trained on hers. When he pulled away, she felt an emptiness somewhere inside that she tried to hide by hugging her arms to her chest. But it didn't help the ache, and all she wanted was him back.

Which meant… she'd better go talk to Stephan. Because she had a lot of confessing to do. And somewhere along the way, maybe she would find the courage to admit that she was so in love with Damon that she could hardly breathe.

XOXO

**I hope you're still enjoying... and that you'll leave me a note to say hi and let me know what you think. It means a lot!**


	3. Love Reborn

**First, I apologize to all of you who I confused by uploading and then removing chapter 3 about a week ago. I went ahead and uploaded a version I wasn't totally happy with because I wanted to keep the chapters coming. So rather than leave it up, I took it down, edited the ending, and am now re-posting. Somewhere in the middle of all that I finished my first year of grad school, too, so the pressures of life have eased a bit. I hope to produce a great deal more work on here over the next few months, so I hope you guys will keep following me. **

**So, to those of you who have already read chapter 3, the change begins mid-delena scene. For those of you who haven't read this before... enjoy! **

**(And thank you to all of you who corrected me on Stephan v. Stefan. Oops!)**

XOXO

Elena pushed her front door open with a strong sense of trepidation encompassing her. Stefan was waiting for her inside and she had no idea how much of her conversation with Damon he had listened to… how much he had seen if he looked out a window.

More than that… she just had no idea what to say to him. Should she lead with the fact that she'd made out with Damon? Or maybe she could start with how she ached for Damon when he wasn't with her… or how he made her heart pound when he held her hand. Or how somewhere down the line he had become the one she drew comfort and security from… who protected her from death and sadness with equal determination.

None of that seemed like the right way to go.

"Elena."

The soft voice made her jump and she turned, seeing Stefan lurking in the shadows of her foyer.

"Stefan, you scared me…" She closed the door and glanced at him. "Sorry I took so long. I had to…before I could. I just…" She paused and got herself together. "I have some things to tell you. We need to talk."

"Something happened…" Stefan nodded and stared at the floor. "I thought so. The air is different between you two."

Elena tucked her hair behind her ear, looking at her ex-boyfriend awkwardly. "I took you at your word, I guess. I think at this point, we all need to figure out what's going on. I know what Damon wants… what he's always wanted. And I think I know what you want…"

"You." Stefan said without hesitation. "I don't think I deserve you, but I always want you, Elena."

She nodded. "So that means it's just me that's confused. Me that's hurting everyone. I went on that trip…and I really tried. I tried to see if I could be with him…"

Stefan swallowed hard, his hands shoved in his pockets. "And?"

She cleared her throat. "And… things happened. At the motel room. Jeremy was asleep and I was in bed and Damon came in and lay down next to me…"

Stephan ran a hand over his hair and turned around. "Of course he did."

"Not like that, Stefan. We just talked. He wasn't doing anything."

"But something happened?"

"We held hands… just for a minute. Not even a minute."

Stefan turned, the shocked look on his face transforming into a relieved smile. "That's all? You held his hand? Elena…" He moved toward her, taking her shoulders in his hands. "You had me scared. That's all?"

She felt her heart breaking, knowing how much he wanted to believe that. "We kissed." She breathed the confession, pulling out of his grasp. "I kissed him… I started it. I don't know how it happened, but it did. When he held my hand I knew I was feeling all these things and I didn't know what to do about it and so I got out of the bed and left the room and he followed me and I told him to stay away from me because I knew…" She cut off the words pouring out of her and just looked at Stefan, begging him with her eyes to understand.

"You knew what, Elena?" His voice was so distant and it broke her heart.

"I knew that I wanted…him, I guess. And when I told him to stay away, he did… but he just asked me why and I couldn't think of a good reason because, well, I just couldn't. So I turned around and I… I kissed him. In the hallway of the motel."

She had the oddest hurricane of emotion rushing through her. The memory of the moment she was describing made want and happiness spiral in her stomach. But the look on Stefan's face and the pain she knew she had just caused him crashed guilt and frustration through her too.

"I'm sorry…" She held out her hand, gesturing helplessly. "I just… don't know how any of this is supposed to go anymore. I know something has to change, but I don't know what it is. You sent me on this trip, Stefan. You told me to figure it out…"

He looked down at the floor, unwilling to meet her eye. "And did you? Somewhere in between all the kisses did you have an epiphany?"

"I don't know…" Elena pressed her hand to her forehead. "Everything happened so fast. One minute we were… you know, up against a wall and kissing Damon isn't very conducive to thinking. And then Jeremy interrupted and we had to go find Mary and then Kol came and…"

"Excuses, Elena." Stefan suddenly pushed away from the wall and moved toward her, taking her by surprise. "You're just scared to make a decision because you don't like to hurt people. And that's something that I love about you… your kindness, your goodness." He took her face in his hands and swept his thumbs over her cheeks. "You are so compassionate, Elena."

She shook her head. "I'm not… how could I be when I keep doing this to everyone?"

"That's not how it is." Stefan smiled down at her. "But you do have to decide and I want to help you do that. I gave you time with Damon because that was fair. And as much at it kills me to know what happened, I can't… blame you. I can't even blame him."

"Stefan…" She wrapped her hands around his wrists, pressing lightly. "How can you be so fair about all this?"

"Because I love you." He touched his thumb to her lips. "And I want to remind you what that love feels like… because I'm fair, but I'm not going to take myself completely out of this. You have to know that I still want you. I don't know if I can have you… after everything that's happened. But I have to fight…"

He leaned in and kissed her gently, pulling her to him, wrapping his arms around her. The familiarity of his kiss drew a warmth over her and she leaned into him.

But as he kissed her, in the back of her mind she heard Damon asking her if Stefan's kisses made her feel like Damon's did.

No.

No.

She felt her heart start to beat harder as anxiety set in. This wasn't what she wanted… it wasn't right. How could he just stand here and kiss her like everything was normal… like he hadn't broken her heart and abandoned her? How could she let him?

"No." She spoke out loud this time, pushing him away, startling him.

"What? Are you okay? What happened?"

"Don't do that." She shook her head and backed away. "You can't do that, Stefan. You can't just kiss me like everything is normal between us…"

"Why not…?" He looked genuinely puzzled. "Elena, I'm back now. I'm the same person you fell in love with. We still have something together…"

"No." She spoke softly, realizing for the first time what she really felt about Stefan. "I don't think we do. Not the same thing we used to have."

She pressed her hand to her heart, warring against the emotions that were suddenly bubbling up in her. "I'm so angry with you…" She said the words almost with wonder. "Did you even think about that? I'm so angry with you, Stefan."

"Elena…"

"You left me. You just left. You were cruel to me. You hurt me on purpose over and over again. You told me you didn't want me. You attacked me and betrayed me and pushed me away. And the whole time… the whole time I never let myself feel angry. I just kept pushing it back. I was hurt and sad… but Stefan, I'm angry with you. And you can't just… kiss me and think I won't feel that. You've never even apologized to me… not really."

"How do I apologize for that?" Stefan voice broke and he looked at her with such earnestness. "I haven't because I don't know how to…"

"I need you to figure it out. I need you to tell me how this happened and I need to hear how you feel about it. You've been pushing out all your emotions so you don't have to feel, and now all of a sudden you're ready to just pick up where we left off." She took a step nearer, throwing her arms out. "What about me, Stefan? I have been feeling this whole time. I have been hurting so badly and you weren't there to make it better."

"Elena…"

"Make it better now, Stefan. Give me something to hold on to… something that tells me that you know what's happened and that you care. Something."

"Of course I'm care." Stephan looked at her with such pain. "I haven't let myself feel because I can't stand how badly I've hurt you. I am so sorry for everything that happened, Elena. You have to know that…"

"You shut me out…"

"I had to." Stefan pleaded with her to understand. "Elena I will never forgive myself for what I did to you… or for any of the things I've done in the last months. Every day I wake up and I feel hopeless and I push through it and I try to get by. If it looks like it's easy for me, it isn't. Elena, I can't ever tell you how sorry I am."

She turned away from him, struggling inside. She wanted to accept it… to erase all the pain she still felt. But it still sat like a rock in her stomach.

"Elena…" Stefan's voice was quiet, resigned. "Do you remember… all the things Damon has done since you met him. How many of your friends has he hurt or killed or turned? He killed Jeremy… he killed Alaric. Twice. He attacked you, fed you his blood…"

"Stop." Elena knew the disdain she felt for Stefan was obvious on her face. "What are you trying to do? It's not a competition over who has done more terrible things to me. You've both hurt me and you've both protected me. It's not about that."

"Maybe it is." Stefan tilted his head. "Because even though he's done all of that and more… you don't seem opposed to him kissing you. You've forgiven him, Elena. He didn't deserve it… he didn't always ask for it. So why forgive him?"

She stared at her ex-boyfriend. "What…?"

He moved toward her, closing the distance between them and touching her hair. "Damon and I both love you, and in your own way you love both of us, too. But maybe, what you should ask yourself is which love is unshakeable. Which one stands against everything and never wavers? Which one defies logic and forgives everything and… completes you."

"Stefan…"

"I want it to be me so badly, Elena. You know that." He framed her face in his hands, tears forming in his eyes. "I just… I don't think it is. I think its him and you're just too scared to let yourself realize it. And part of that is guilt over me and I'm asking you to let go of that. Because I don't want you to be with me because you think you should be… I want you to be with me because you know without a doubt it's the only thing you want. I want you to not be able to not be with me…"

She was crying now, her tears flowing down her cheeks, onto his hands.

"You know… as much as it kills me," His voice cracked and his own tears slid down his cheeks. "I love you even more for seeing the good in him and never letting go of that. He deserves that."

The last little bit inside her cracked, and she leaned against him, letting him wrap his arms around her. "I'm so sorry…"

"Don't be." He murmured into her hair. "It's okay, Elena. You've made your choice and that's really all you needed to do."

She let out a half laugh, half sob. "I made my choice… didn't see that coming."

He stayed quiet, holding her close. She could feel his breath on her hair, his hand on her back. And she felt… at peace. He was important to her. He always would be. But here in his arms… she knew that her first love would always be precious and pure. But it was over… it had been replaced a love out of her control, stronger than anything she'd ever known.

But she was ready to embrace it… finally.

XOXO

Damon grunted and tossed his phone on his bed. Alaric still wasn't answering his calls… where was he? Had Rebekah just let him go after she got what she wanted?

He grabbed his shirt and tossed it on, leaving it unbuttoned as he settled his hands on his hips, debating whether or not to keep calling Ric. Maybe the guy was busy, or asleep… or in trouble.

A light knock on his door drew his attention and he turned to find Elena standing in his doorway, looking hesitant.

He offered her a careful smile, carefully ignoring the electricity that sparked between them now. He was determined to let her lead whatever happened between them. Even though that meant not walking over to her, pulling her against him, and kissing her till she couldn't breathe.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" He turned to her, not missing the way her eyes roamed over him. The air crackled around them and he wanted to make her tell him what she had Stefan had said… how it had changed what she felt… whether she still wanted him.

"Do I need a reason?" She entered the room slowly, hugging her arms to herself.

"No." He reached for the bottom button on his shirt and began buttoning up, watching her as she crossed to him. She pushed his hands out of the way and buttoned his shirt for him. He settled his hands on her hips, gripping her as her fingers brushed along his skin.

When she reached his top button, she smoothed his collar and brushed the fabric on his shoulders into place before letting her hands fall.

"Hmm…" He dropped his hands from her hips. "Thanks. I usually struggle with that for hours when you're not around."

She smiled and took a step back, her cheeks flushing. "Glad I could help…"

"You know if I can ever reciprocate… just let me know." He smirked at her, his hands clenching when her heart started thudding in her chest.

Still, she said nothing, made no move to back away. And if he didn't fill the air with something, he was going to kiss her.

"Have you eaten yet?"

She shook her head, biting her lip.

"Okay…" He was puzzled by her unusual quietness… the way she just kept staring at him. "Well, I was heading to the Grill. I want to see if they've seen Alaric." He cleared his throat. "Buy you lunch?"

She smiled. "Sure…"

"Okay. Let me grab my shoes…" He perched on his bed and pulled on his boots. When he was done he looked up at her, finding her still quietly looking at him. "You okay? You're… quiet."

"Fine." She nodded, rubbing her arm.

He stood up and moved toward her, a little concerned now. "Elena…"

She shocked him into silence when she launched herself at him for the second time in three days. Her arms locked around his neck, her fingers sunk into his hair. He steadied both of them, wrapping his arms around her waist. Their eyes locked for a brief moment and then her mouth was on his and he was kissing her again, his mind reeling, his testosterone spiking.

"Yes…" He breathed the word into her mouth as he hoisted her up and backed them up till his knees hit the bed. He lowered them both onto it and groaned as she instantly curled around him, deepening the kiss. He poured everything he had into the moment, his hand roaming her side, her stomach, her hips and legs and backside. He yanked one of her legs over his hip, locking their pelvises together.

He was so focused on the sheer pleasure and significance of kissing her like this that he almost didn't notice the words she was whispering between kisses. When he stopped and listened, his entire body stilled.

Her hand trekked over his chest, up to touch his face, to grasp his shoulders. "I love you…" She whispered, her voice barely audible. "I love you, Damon…"

"Elena…"

She smiled, her hand tracing the lines of his face. "I love you. I was trying so hard not to say it. When I came over here I promised myself I wouldn't say it yet… that I would wait and make it special because after everything we've been through we deserve special. We deserve our moment. But then I saw you and the only words I could think were 'I love you…' And I just gave in. I couldn't not tell you anymore, Damon. I had to make sure you knew…"

"Elena…" He caressed her face, caught in a storm of incredulity that rendered him fairly well speechless. "How did… I mean, what happened? Just a few hours ago you were still insisting you didn't know how t to choose. What…?"

"I want to tell you all about it." She scraped her nails through his hair, bringing his face closer to hers. "But right now… I just don't want to waste anymore time. I want… I need…"

He cut her off with a grant to her request, leaning down and taking her mouth again. Every caress, every touch, every sigh meant so much more now. He loved her. He'd always loved her. But now… he could feel that she wasn't holding back anymore. She loved him and she was pouring everything into every kiss and every touch, unraveling him from the inside out. She parted her lips and he sank into her, his hands constantly moving, touching her everywhere, yanking her to him.

"I love you." He murmured in her ear before he trailed a line of kisses down her neck, across her shoulder, down her collarbone. "Elena…"

"Yes…" She held his head in place over the hint of cleavage peeking out from her top. He kissed her, sucking lightly, nipping at her skin. He moved all the way on top of her, straddling her body with his. She grabbed his shirt and yanked him up to her mouth where he did his best to devour her.

The buttons she had so carefully fastened moments ago were now just a source of frustration as she pulled at them and he tried to help her, as desperate as she was to feel his skin against hers. As she worked on the last two, he pushed her shirt up, his hands skimming, scraping over her stomach. She arched against him, pushing his shirt apart and bringing them together. He loved the way her eyes rolled back and her eyelashes fluttered closed… loved the effect he could have on her.

He flipped them over so that she straddled him, then sat up, kissing her as he worked her shirt up and started to slip it off her head. His phone rang out, startling them both. Elena jumped, tangling herself up in her tank top, making him chuckle as he fumbled for his phone while continuing to kiss her neck.

He had to tear himself away from her long enough to turn his phone off and the name on the caller ID caught his high. It was Ric…

Still, he considered not taking it. His friend would understand. After all, he had the woman of his dreams on his lap, and it seemed like for once in his life someone was choosing him. Her lips connected with his and he groaned in frustration as he swiped the phone and held it up to his ear, breaking the kiss at the last possible second.

"What?" He growled, holding Elena to him. She gave him a quizzical look and he mouthed Alaric's name. Her eyes lit up and she sat back, watching him intently.

Damon listened to his friend, his free hand still caressing every bit of Elena he could reach. "What?" He frowned at her. "I'm not sure now is the best time for you to be taking a spirit trip, Ric."

Elena cocked an eyebrow and he pulled her closer, nuzzling her neck, nipping at her earlobe. She wrapped her arms around him and eased him back, laying him down beneath her. Her curtain of hair shielded them both.

Ric was still talking, and even through the spell Elena was weaving around him, he could sense something wasn't right. Ric was leaving town… supposedly taking Bonnie's herbs. That didn't seem like something Ric would do. He would never go roaming around with no one to stop him from going on killing sprees. And he would never leave without talking to Elena. Damon started to voice those concerns, but Ric cut him off, saying a short goodbye and hanging up.

Elena looked at him as he set down the phone. "Is he okay?"

"He's alive…" Damon muttered. "Beyond that I don't know. He says he's leaving town."

Elena sat up, letting him do the same. "Leaving town… he can't do that. He needs to be monitored… he's dangerous. He knows that."

"I know." Damon sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear and bringing her lips to his for one last lingering kiss. "Which is why we have been interrupted once again. We've got to track him down and see what's really going on. I don't like this. He leaves with Rebekah as Ric the Evil and now he's leaving town. Something smells."

"How do we find him?" Elena slid off the bed, brushing herself off and straightening her hair and clothes. He reluctantly did the same.

"Looks like we start at his loft." Damon grabbed his phone off the bed and stowed it back in his pocket. "And the sooner the better. Can you wait on that lunch?"

"Of course." Elena moved toward the door, but as she reached it, Damon stopped her, his hand on her arm.

"Elena…" He looked down at her, for once dropping his defensive shield. "You and me… we…"

She smiled and kissed him slowly, lingeringly. "This is real. I love you… I want to be with you. And after we find Ric, we'll pick up where we left off and I'll tell you everything. Okay?"

He smirked and snaked his fingers through hers, linking them together. "Okay. Let's find Ric quickly then, shall we. He's throwing a real hitch in my day."

She laughed and followed him out the door and down the hallway. "You know, you'll feel bad for saying that if he's really in trouble…"

XOXO

**This ending feels more natural to me. And it sets up the coming chapters, which I will try to get posted as soon as possible. Again, thanks for all the feedback. I would absolutely love to hear from you guys on this chapter, too. The feedback really helps inspire me.**


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